Hmm.
Could be losing my mojo.
We took a mini-vacation into Chicago this past week. It was more for the kids, because there was really nothing relaxing about it, except for the 5 hours of sleep that my wife and I got. We drove in, went to the Shedd Aquarium, stayed in a hotel, swam in the pool. You know...vacation stuff. It was fun, the kids thought it was a blast. We decided to end the vacation with a trip to the LegoLand Store in Shaumburg.
--ALERT--
Incredibly overpriced. Cool concept, big things built out of LEGOs, but really pretty expensive for playing with LEGOs and a lame EPCOT-wannabe ride. Just sayin'.
--ALERT--
So. Fam's in the LEGO cafe. There's a play structure in one corner, with a slide, and those cubes that look like mini jails stacked on one another. Some poor kid was on the top one with the mesh net and the plastic bubble window, carving tally marks into the safety foam with a pin from his glasses. Other kids were running, shoeless and parentless, around the outside, up the cubes, down the slide and around again. Our kids' eyes looked at Courtney and I, wide with anticipitory excitement, and we both said, "Okay, go play. Be careful! Have fun!"
All that was left were clouds in the shape of our kids, like the Road Runner.
We sat near, to keep an eye, and an Asian lady sat next to us to do the same. We both noticed her kids, insanely cute, were being blocked by another boy. They were trying to get past to ride the slide, but this boy was blocking the way.
We'll call him "Malachi". You know, from Children of the Corn?
Malachi blocked the way, but then actually grabbed one of the Asian kids and was shaking her. Malachi's about, oh, 7 or 8, and wee little Asian girl about, oh, 5. Her mom got up and told the boy politely to stop, but there was an obvious language barrier.
Asian to English, not adult to 8 year old.
When he did it again, I got up this time. Not my kid, not my place, I'm on vacation. But I got up nevertheless and got the kid's attention, and in my best "stern Dad voice", I said, "Quit it. NOW." Malachi looked back at me, like the Dilophosaurus looked at Nedry in Jurassic Park, head cocked with an "I wonder if I spat poison in his eye he'd be good to eat", and then ran off.
Malachi kept terrorizing. I told an employee. The employee talked to him, and Dilophosaurus-Malachi did the same thing, only this time, I think I did see a bit of green poison vomit splat on "Hello, My Name Is Jeff"'s glasses. The reprimand didn't stop Malachi, didn't even slow him down.
Then he started blocking MY kids. I was really getting hot, and all I could think of was finding this kid's parents and reading them the Riot Act, along with a few choice Scriptures. But then, oh then, Faithful Reader, God smiled on us all.
Malachi went down the tube slide and stayed at the bottom, trying to block whomever came down next. Ethan, MY Ethan, my wonderfully sweet boy, comes flying down the slide, feet-first, and nails Malachi square in the back hard enough to make his stomach arch out and sprawl off the slide a good four feet. Ethan didn't do it on purpose, but if he did, I would've given him a trophy.Malachi stood up, looking wildly around, holding his back, and with tears in his eyes, ran off to his mommy.
I'm not quite sure, but I think I heard a collective "Huzzah!" from inside the jail cubes, and kids emerged, sheilding their eyes from lack of exposure to the florescent bulbs, and then Asians of all sizes hoisted Ethan up on their shoulders, heralding him as King of the LegoLand Playstructure.
I might of made that last bit up, but I have a real question. Am I a bad person for thinking that was the best thing that could've happened? Am I not fit for kid's ministry because I secretly wanted Malachi to have an accident?
I hate to admit it, but I leaned over to Courtney and said, "That was the best thing that could've happened."
If you stand blocking the end of the slide your askn' to get kicked in the...behind:)
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