Innocence Lost

Darn that Judy Blume.

I wonder how many other kids who read exceptionally well for their ages find out things they're not supposed to.

It's a ritual for Sophia and I to read at bedtime. She's 8, but she's a phenomenal reader, so the books tend to lean more toward chapter books. Judy Moody, Cam Jansen, and lately we've been on a Fudge kick, Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Super Fudge, Double Fudge.

I'm usually pretty quick about catching things. In Tales of a Fouth Grade Nothing, there's a bit about some kids saying "the A word", which I quickly skipped over before Soph caught it. In Super Fudge, there was a bit about Santa that I skipped over, too.

I wasn't quick enough in Double Fudge.

The very end of the book, Fudge loses a tooth while eating a brownie. Mini, Fudge's cousin (also named Farley Drexel), takes the tooth and secretly swallows it. The very last scene of the book is Fudge showing his older brother Peter a box with all of Peter's and Fudge's teeth in it, that their parents had taken and saved.

Sophia turns to me and says, "You and Mommy don't take my teeth, do you?"

Me: "No."

Sophia: "You promise?"

Me: Gulp.

I can't lie to my daughter. I just can't, not when she asks me point blank questions like that. Upon my hesitation, I could actually SEE the realization creep over her face that the Tooth Fairy isn't real, and she burst into tears. Wouldn't let me hold her. Her father had lied, that's what the sobbing back of her head was saying to me.

"Why didn't you just tell me a long time ago???"

I have to be honest, I feel terrible.

Five minutes later, she made the connection to Santa.

Is it wrong? Is it lying? To create characters, fanciful, bigger than life, secretive, but jolly and sparkly, to create a sense of wonder in kids? Earlier today I would've given a wholehearted no, it's not lying, it's fun, and the kids love it.

Right now? I don't know.

We talked about it with her, and now she wants to dress up AS the Tooth Fairy and sneak into Ethan's room for his first lost tooth. She is okay with it, but MAN, if there isn't something innocent that's lost there. I guess I'm kidding myself in thinking that she'll stay wide-eyed and innocent forever.

She heard the word "hell" on TV today, too. Lord, I'm slipping. I want to encapsulate her, all my kids, but especially her...she's the girl...but I think that's a little naive. I keep thinking of Finding Nemo, when Marlin says that he doesn't want anything bad to happen to his son, Nemo.

Dory says, "Well, you can't never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo."

Experience trumps innocence. Life finds a way to grow. I just hope I have prepared her enough for what's out there.

I just hope.